Trigger Warning: suicide, depression, anxiety, and strong language

May 7, 2019. I was crying going
home, but the driver hadn’t noticed it. I wiped my tears and sucked all of my
feelings up so my parents wouldn’t notice a whiff of my emotion.

I went straight to my room,
pumped up a random playlist, and continued crying there. The crying took hours,
and Netflix couldn’t save me.

Crying was exhausting, right, and
I cried myself to sleep. I knew it would be harder for me to sleep and find
stillness that night, but I tried. I closed my eyes and heard voices inside my
head: it’s my own voice, uttering statements that pierced me. It was repetitive
and disturbing because the voice changed from my own, to something familiar, to
some mangled voice, words disfiguring themselves…